TIPS FOR GOOD HEALTH AND COPING SKILLS

Legal battles are very strenuous and intense and can often be
crippling and incapacitating for some people, especially very long custody battles. Court battles are a 'psychological war' and may often lead to symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and in some cases major depression, which can lead to suicide if
not treated properly. It is very important to be aware of and to recognize the damaging effects that such battles can have on a person and to be able to prevent them from occuring. You must stay healthy and strong for your children! They are counting on you to fight for them!

The following are some tips and helpful information on how to maintain your health and to help you cope:

EXERCISE- Exercise is the best way to maintain your health.
Swimming and walking are the best forms of exercise. A good
suggestion would be to either join a fitness club, to walk
or jog at least once or twice daily is highly recommended, or
take up ballroom dancing(my favorite)or a sport or an activity
that you enjoy. Exercise produces endorphines,releasing stress
and giving you strength and making you feel new and refreshed.

FOOD/SLEEP- It is extremely important for you to continue eating
properly and making sure that you get plenty of sleep.
It is necessary for you to force yourself to eat something each
day, even if you don't feel like it. Something light, such as
crackers, cheese or fruit are a few good examples to help you
maintain a healthy diet. Sleep is vital for you to be able to
think and function clearly, as food is, and to maintain your
focus and concentration. It is very important to be
alert so that you are effective in all court proceedings. In
addition, certain kinds of tea are good to help relax and calm
you.

TIME ALONE: Time to yourself and to engage in things of
interest is very necessary as a part of maintaining your mental
health. Court battles often consume a person's entire life and
it can be unhealthy. Finding an activity or hobby is good to
take your mind off of your problems temporarily.
We all need to have an outlet from stress and from
the consumption of the problems and trials of every day life,
not to mention your court case, which is the worst problem
you are facing at the present time! Take time alone- be kind
to yourself - enjoy a nice hot bath or shower and relax!


SUPPORT: Find a support group, such as a religious group, that
may help you to cope with your situation. Surround yourself
with positive activities and people, those who will fully give
you the support that you need and will stand by you through
both good and trying times- standing behind you in every
aspect of your situation. Avoid negative people and negative
situations-this will only bring you down. Engage in positive
reading of interests, or a Bible if you are religious or any
other books or tapes, etc. that will help you to stay focused
and POSITIVE.

MUSIC: Soft music in the background, especially during
sleep can be a great tool for comfort and to relieve stress.
This helps to calm you and relax your mind so that you can
think clearly and remain focused on your goal. Music is
soothing and can relieve much tension.

MOVIES: Watch a funny movie or video or get out and see a
movie in the theatre. Laughter is often the best medicine for
sadness and depression. Getting out and doing things will
take your mind off of your case and your daily problems.

FRIENDS: Pick friends who have a strong personality and who are
capable of being emotionally supportive to you. Emotional
support is just as important as financial support and a
person is considered very lucky if they have both when
trying to survive a legal battle.


COUNSELING: Go to counseling, if necessary, especially if you
feel you have reached the point where your depression is so deep
that you feel you are unable to function. Speaking with an
objective person who can be there to listen and offer advice
is not a bad thing. Some people feel that counseling is a sign
of weakness, but rather it shows that a person has good insight
and that they are willing to seek outside help when they feel
overwhelmed with their situation,loss,pain,or whatever they
are dealing with. Don't let people tell you what you should
do- go with your instincts - you know yourself better than
anyone else!!

MEDICATION: Many people will discourage medications and also
see the need as a sign of weakness. Medications are there for
a purpose and if some people need it, then they should take it.
The abuse of medications is a different story. If a person is
to reach the point that it is necessary for them to survive,
they should seek help immediately. Do not ever abuse the
medications - always follow what your doctor orders you. It is
best to try other ways to cope, without medications, as I prefer,
but for some people that may not be possible.

RELIGION: If you are a religious person, attend church and
support groups, activities and events where you can be
surrounded by influential and positive people. Legal battles can
also be considered as a 'spiritual battle' - a test of faith.


JOURNAL: Keep a journal of your daily feelings and activities,
whether they are positive or negative. Write a list if you
need to- pointing out the positive things in your life as
opposed to the negative. Journaling is a way of expressing
your emotions through writing -put it on paper! You may turn
back on your writings and reflect on what you have written in
the past that might be helpful to how you feel on that new day.
Document events, statements,feelings, etc.- that you feel are
very important and necessary for your situation. Write your own
book about your own particular situation and/or own court case.
This is a form of expression that will help you to release
stress, tension and negative feelings and hopefully put you
back into a more clear and positive perspective at the way you
view things and your situations.


PLACES TO GO: There are many places you can go to find peace and
comfort. For example, taking a walk on the beach is very
soothing and peaceful to the mind and body, which will calm and
relax you from stressful situations. Take a blanket if you
choose to stay for awhile, and just listen to the sound of the
waves. Empty your mind for a brief period. Erase the
negative thoughts and try to focus on positive things that
surround you- the beauty and tranquility of the ocean, the sky,
and the white sand. Maybe take a trip to the park, and again,
enjoy the beauty of the trees, plants, flowers, lakes, or
whatever surrounds you. Go to places of enjoyment or that give
you peaceful moments and/or happy memories. Get outside and
go for a bike ride which will give you exercise and Vitamin D
from the sun!

LISTS: Make a list of things that you will do for that
day. Make a program for yourself and be deliberate and
consistent in keeping a pattern going each day. Make a daily
program for yourself and stick to it. Select a time to get up in
the morning, have activities planned, follow through with your
schedule and set a time to go to bed each night, so that
you will get at least 8 hours sleep.

VITAMINS: Make sure to take vitamins daily and/or health
supplements and drink plenty of fluids to keep your body
clean in order to prevent getting sick and run down from
the stress you are under.


EDUCATION: As painful as it may be, it is of the utmost
and highest importance to educate yourself on the law and its
processes. You should never rely solely on what your attorney
tells you. You certainly want to follow their advice, but it is
a good idea to educate yourself as well on the law to be able
to help yourself, verify what your attorney is telling you and
to possibly be of assistance to someone in a similar situation.
Contact your Congressman and request a free copy of the
United States Constitution. This is your right. Knowledge is
power and you must be knowledgeable to be able to fight for your
rights and for the rights of your children.


RECOMMENDED EDUCATIONAL READING:
- The Hostage Child - Michelle Etlin
- Mothers on Trial - Phyllis Chessler
- Divorced from Justice - Karen Winner
- Expose, the failure of family courts to
protect children from abuse in custody disputes
- How to Do Your Own Contested Divorce in California- By
attorney Robin Yeamans.
- Legal Abuse Syndrome - Laura Heffner

Good luck, stay focused, positive and smile - tomorrow is a new
day!!!!